By: Martha Moncibaiz
I’ll be turning 55 soon. It sounds so “grown up” to me; it sounds so, dare I say, old.
And, honestly, sometimes I wonder if I’ve done enough with my life in these 55 years. What could I have done differently? Am I making an impact on the lives around me? Am I loving those around me well?
It had been almost 20 years since I worked full-time, yet here I am, clocking in 9 to 5 at a temp position. Almost immediately after starting, I wondered why I was there, as it didn’t feel like I was making much of a difference, let alone connecting with others.
A friend graciously pointed out that I “carry” Christ with me wherever I go and that just by me being there I had made a difference. I prayed that God would use me there; and, while I didn’t have much interaction with anyone at work, every person I worked for thanked me. They’ve thanked me numerous times for doing the hard work (work no one else wanted to do or had the time to do). I did make a difference, even though it didn’t look like I thought it would look.
And, truth be told, there have been plenty of times in my life that I wondered if I was doing enough, or if I was helping anyone. In times like these, I have to truly “guard my heart” (Proverbs 4:23) because I (we) can get caught in the trap of comparison, which is a joy-robber and can make us “feel” ineffective.
Then, when I least expect it, God gives me a glimpse of what HE’S doing through me…
I had the pleasure of visiting with a friend recently who called me her “first responder.” I was intrigued and asked what she meant. She said that when she first walked through the doors at church, she was in a very shaky and delicate place. But when I spoke with her, I made her feel at home and at ease. I was so flattered and humbled by this because I can’t really even remember what I said to her exactly, but she remembered and she carried it in her heart. That meant the world to me!
John 15:5 says, “…apart from Me, you can do nothing.” I know I’m not always capable in my own strength to make that difference, to impact that life (like those in the accounting department I’m currently “temping” in). But when I’m fully aware of God’s presence, leaning on Him for guidance and direction, and listening for the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I can make that difference. I am also so thankful for friends, who I can lean on, who help me rise above the “wonderings”, the doubts, and the comparisons.
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