By: Eileen Wilder

DO YOU EVER THINK OF THE “IT” GIRL from high school? Remember her? The girl who always seemed to emanate easy, breezy, beautiful cover-girl coolness? Hair and makeup perfect?

Yeah, she went to my school too.

Her name was Veronica, and amazingly enough, she let me hang out with her. I was so insecure, my sense of self esteem would rise just being around her. I felt important.

As sophomores, I still remember how goofy the guys in my class would act around her. They were so oblivious to their inane antics, just to get her to LOOK in their direction.

I so wanted to be her.

There was just one problem. I was NOT her. I spent a lot of time wasting valuable energy to alter my personality to be just a little bit more “mysterious” like her and to get my giggle just spot-on to resemble hers.

While walking one day with her along our high school campus, we walked by a large school bus that we didn’t realize was filled with the boys’ lacrosse team.

(This team was noted amongst us girls as having the best-looking, most athletic young men in our school. No ladies, this was not the chess team; these guys were the
crème de la crème. The hotties. The Superstars.)

To pass by a few of the lacrosse team-members would cause any sophomore girl’s heart to race. Here we were passing the entire team on the bus. Soon the seniors started yelling out, “Hey, Veronica! Veronica!”

She looked over casually and coolly and gave the smile and nod. (I swear I saw some of them drooling.) I studied her closely, taking notes on how to be her … And then it

The next thing I remember was the blue sky above.

While I was taking notes on how to be Veronica, I failed to see the oncoming lamppost.

If I close my eyes… I can still hear the sound of 35 good-looking young men laughing.

Ladies, here is the moral of this story:

If you don’t know who you are, all you’re going to do is stumble.

In fact the Scripture says we should not “look and speak and act the same.” (Ephesians 4:7 MSG)

“To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.” – E. E. Cummings

The hardest battle I’ve ever fought was trying to wrestle down who “I really am.” Under the weight of ridiculous levels of insecurity and body dysmorphia … I struggled for years. Until I finally came to the conclusion:

I’m going to get my eyes off the other girl, and get them on who GOD says that I am.

It’s been a process, and I still find myself comparing myself to the “Veronicas” and suddenly, SMACK—there I am, eyes-on-the-sky and in a lamppost-coma.

But that’s when I lean on my local church, get around the girls, and remember…

Step up.
Speak up.
STIR yourself to action.

Blow that farewell kiss to the lacrosse team…because YOU are not who people say you are—You are who God says you are.



eileen family

This is an excerpt from Eileen’s book The Brave Body Method: 4 Steps to Winning the War on Weight & Gaining Self-Acceptance now available for pre-order HERE. Eileen has three gorgeous kids, loves coffee and COFFEE. She, with her husband, Harrison are the DC Campus Pastors for Capital City Church.  You can read more of her blogs at


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